


And, Without its Birds, Spring Came Anyway

by Blacknwhitewings



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, I'm bad at tags please explain, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reconstruction, Redemption, Tired Tony Stark, don't want to spoil, not always violent, some triggers mentionned at beginning of the chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-08-26 15:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16684003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blacknwhitewings/pseuds/Blacknwhitewings
Summary: To be finally free from Hydra, Bucky Barnes had to make a choice. And he made it. But life isn't just freedom and the path to recovery and redemption is long and tough. The Avengers are trying to help, and it's up to him now to make his place among the heroes that held their hands and maybe become one himself.Soooo that's for the plot. I'll try and post a chapter a week, during the week. I can't promise that because I posted it on Tuesday, it'll be every tuesday. But it'll definitely be once a week for a long ass time. I'm more of a novel reader myself and don't like tags too much, because it has a way to spoil things badly for me, and NO I don't know the options in AO3, I'm that bad with it. So for the most part, the tags and trigger warnings and whatnot are going to be on the beginning on each chapter, in notes. Thank you! o/





	1. Found a Way Out

Natasha Romanov, in a plane to Bulgaria, carefully read the report again. She could not believe it quite now but it was very clear. She had little time to act.  
In the dead of the night, a few hours before, she’d left the base of the Avengers to fly to the other end of the world, in Eastern Europe, without anyone knowing. With the others knowing what she was about, it would bring catastrophes instead of solutions and she did not want that with all the mess it had already brought. However she had been quick enough to erase all traces of the medical report she was now studying, afraid that if international agencies -or worst, Hydra- learnt about that her window of opportunity would’ve been lost. She heavily sighed and sank in her seat, her eyes running along the printed lines. Unknown man admitted in a country hospital. Baffling medical checkup. Metal arm. However he had managed to stay off any radar for three years she didn’t know, but it couldn’t be anyone else than the Winter Soldier, last seen while the SHIELD was falling apart and Hydra’s plans had been stopped. 

Natasha looked at her phone; six missed calls from Clint and two from Steve. She would have to explain later but wasn’t really sure about any explanation. When she read the report for the first time, she had decided to go to Bulgaria to end Barnes, to be sure he would never be their enemy again. But the hours had flown by with the travel and with the plane in autopilot she had had nothing to do but think. Remember her past and the way the KGB had turned her into a deadly assassin, a killing machine. Fury had offered her a chance to change that, to redeem herself and with it her life had begun anew. A new life, with some stumbling along the road but for the most part she had done good, saved people. And maybe… Maybe Barnes deserved the same. After all, no report indicating a mass-murder in a hospital had leaked yet but with already ten hours there he would have healed enough to do so if he had wanted to. She had no details concerning the man’s injuries, the doctors probably more interested by the never seen before checkup. And indeed, any supersoldier would be a blessing to study for the medical staff of the world. Healing abilities, regeneration rate way above the normal one, strength, immunity to a lot of things… except breakdowns judging by the time needed for Steve to come back from the dark place seeing his lost friend again and losing him again had sent him. She ran her fingers through her red hair and sighed again, glancing at the fake id she had cooked before leaving. Anna Lerman, FBI agent in a top-secret mission to extract the man. That would be her ticket in. The ticket out was to be nerve gas able to make the entire structure forget the past twenty-four hours without any side-effect, and a virus to erase every file in their computers about him. A country hospital in Bulgaria wouldn’t have the means to have backups anyway so it would be enough to avoid any enemy knowing about what had happened back there.

Eventually the plane arrived and Natasha was relieved to see the parking lot had been emptied for the most part to assure enough space to land. Her plane was not that big but she would have hated to have to land on cars. The director of the hospital was waiting for her there. Good. He had received her message. She jumped as soon as she arrived, her appearance now too much known for safety concealed under a black wig, huge glasses and a bit of makeup. They shook hands.  
“Greetings in our little hospital, ma’am. We received your message an hour or so ago and tried our best to accommodate your arrival.” She nodded but didn’t answer him right away. He went on. “I’m sorry I have to ask but even weird, he is my patient and I need to know what all of this is about.”  
Natasha’s lips reduced to a thin line. “I’m sorry, director. Everything about this man is classified. I can’t say a thing.”  
“Knowing the United States, I can only guess it is again one of your little secret projects.” That bastard wasn’t far from truth, actually. But not quite near. Obviously it was the States that pushed for the project to continue but Hydra had never had real intentions to stop after the “success” that had been Red Skull.  
She sighed but again, did not answer and instead gestured him to lead the way. They entered the little facility where however a lot of people were in. Patients, parents, doctors, nurses and security staff, all of them were roaming the corridors and Natasha internally swore. That would be a lot of people to gas.  
Once in the doctor’s office, she applied her fakest smile. “May I see what kind of files you wrote about him? Surely you understand my country is a bit anxious about all of this and I need to be sure no one hacked your servers in an attempt to retrieve your information.” He pulled the seat away and it was invitation enough. She asked for a coffee while taking place in front of the computer and waited for him to leave the room to plug her USB device into the machine. It was an old computer, a things from the nineties maybe and easy to hack but fortunately she found no evidence of a leak. Meaning when she would erase the files, no trace of it would remain. She pressed the Y key and let her virus do its job. She unplugged it just in time for the director to come back with two cups of coffee and calmly rose from the seat.  
“Thank you,” she smile while taking the beverage.  
“I hope what you saw satisfies you. We want no trouble with your government but that information could save a lot of lives in a near future.” He smiled at her. “Now please, follow me. He had to be locked in a more secure cell than the ones we have upstairs. He managed to fight off ten of my best agents and we had to inject seven times the prescribed dose to sedate him.” He looked at Natasha pensively and she could see he had many questions. That guy didn’t seem to be a bad guy but she could not take any risk.  
They then remained silent for the rest of the time needed to join the basement, a long corridor of concrete barely lit by the few dirty light-bulbs placed here and there. In front of one of the heavy doors, an armed security staff member rose his head from his magazine when they arrived. He stood on his feet to greet the director before unlocking and pushing the door open.

The place was cold, an empty cell with gray walls. And in the middle of it a medical bed. It was a sorry sight. Restrained like a rabid animal, covered with bloody bandages, Barnes was very much awake but absolutely motionless. Tasha quickly checked the restrains and noticed that if he had had the idea of freeing himself he would’ve done so. She then dragged a chair from against the wall and sat near the bed.  
“I don’t know what you intend to do, ma’am, but he won’t hear you. Damaged eardrums, poorly inflicted and beyond repair. That man is deaf.”  
Natasha turned her head toward the director, slowly, and locked her eyes on him. She wasn’t sure to have understood him clearly the first time. “Beg your pardon…?”  
“Deaf. A hundred percent deaf. And not so cooperative to understand his situation either. However, from what I gathered while dressing his wounds, that man had probably been badly tortured.”  
She nodded, knowing that. She had expected no less from Hydra anyway. Did that mean he had been caught again during the three years of him disappearing from the radars? “I need to be alone with him a minute. Then you’ll make sure that in half an hour he’ll be ready to go with me. I’ll take the bed if needed.” Her voice was of one who would not take no for an answer.

So he left.

Tasha gathered her bravery, and brushed Barnes’ shoulder to attract his attention. His eyes were lost beyond the ceiling but she felt his muscles tighten a little when her fingers brushed his skin. He turned his head to look at her, his gaze full of fear, of apprehension. He seemed lost, confused. She spoke in Russian, slowly in hope he could read her lips.  
“It’s okay, I know you. I won’t hurt you.” It looked like the words appeased him and she sighed, relieved. “I need you to stay calm, to stay quiet. I will bring you to a safe place.”  
He didn’t nod but she had the impression he would obey. After all, it was what he’d been taught to do for more than fifty years.  
Tasha left the room, leaving the doctors take care of Barnes; she had her own preparations to make and it would take an access to the vents, one she had noticed to be on the back of the building and that probably was responsible for the ventilation system of the whole building. She left the hospital and, making sure nobody would follow her, inserted the self-disintegrating vial into the system. It would do. She had less than an hour to get out of here to avoid being also struck by the nerve gas. Plenty of time. She went back to the plane and moved a few useless things around to make place for her passenger before entering the coordinates to go home on the computer. Then she sat, sighed. She had to call Steve. It would not be a pleasant call, but she had to. So, withdrawing her phone, she dialed the last number that had called her and waited while it rang at the other side.

“Rogers.”  
“Hi, it’s Tasha.”  
“I know,” he plainly said. “The screen told me. Where are you?”  
“Bulgaria. It’s kind of a long story, but I need you to stay calm and not jump in the first plane to do bullshit.” Not the best way to start a calm conversation, but that was all she had. Steve went very silent at the other end of the line so she jumped on the occasion and went on. “I found Barnes. I’m bringing him to the base.”  
“BUCKY?!” Outch, her ears didn’t appreciate that. “He’s there?! In Bulgaria??”  
“For fuck’s sake, shut up a minute, would you?!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I got him. We’re going home. But… you have to have the medical room ready for when we arrive.” She could feel Steve get pale even with thousands of miles separating them. And she didn’t have any reassuring answer to give him. So she waited for him to say “okay” and hung up while the medical bed was charged in the plane and secured. Again, the man was very still, staring far in front of him. Steve wouldn’t like that but at least Barnes was here and not killing people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for the first chapter! If you see typos that bother you so greatly you can't read, please forgive me and point them with your fingers so I can whack them. Otherwise, well, I hope you enjoyed and see you next week!


	2. Troubles on their way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha brought with her the Winter Soldier and not everyone is happy about the newcomer.

Steve, Sam, Tony, Vision and Clint were on the tarmac already when Natasha arrived and landed her plane. She quickly got out but before she could say anything, Steve ran toward it.  
Tony frowned. “So, care to explain?”  
“Explain what?” she retorted harsher than she intended to.  
“Why we have to keep and take care of an assassin of Hydra? That would be a good start.”  
Tasha sighed. “I’m an assassin as well, ain’t I?” She saw Tony on the verge of retorting and cut him. “Don’t you dare say it’s different.”  
Sam placed himself between them in an attempt to calm them both. “Okay, okay. Let’s not yell at each others, okay?” He turned toward the redhead. “You sure about it?” She nodded. “Okay, good enough for me. I mean, he’s a mean son of a bitch, for sure, but Steve is adamant about the fact the Winter Soldier got him out of the water three years ago. Let’s give him a chance! Plus, with Wanda AND Vision on our side, this time, what can he do?”  
Tony grew pale, but Clint didn’t seem to be on his side either -perhaps because he had been forced to do bad things by Loki some years before and understood the situation- so he gave up. “Fine! Do it your way!” He turned his heels and left the tarmac in a hurry.

Clint shrugged and went toward the plane as well to help Steve. When he jumped in, he froze a bit in front of what he saw. Steve was standing in front of his old friend, sorrow all over his face as he witnessed the extent of his injuries and his unresponsive state.   
“Hey, big guy. Let’s get him out of the plane, okay? Don’t break down again, please.”  
Steve shook his head. “I won’t. Sorry.” He grabbed the bars on the bed and pushed it outside. With Clint’s help, he settled his friend in the little infirmary of the place, in a more comfortable bed, and checked his injuries. They were deep but the serum was already at work. He would be fine despite being like a buck in the middle of a busy road. 

It took less than an hour but eventually Steve joined the others in the kitchen for a well-deserved coffee. Tasha, Clint and Sam were here. Wanda had joined the party too, out of curiosity. But neither Vision nor Tony were in sight. 

Wanda, seated on the table with a tea in her hands, looked at the bunch of them. “So what’s the deal?”  
Steve sighed. She didn’t know Bucky. “The man we just brought here is Bucky Barnes, my childhood friend.” He almost laughed at her confused look. “Yeah, he’s as old as me. A supersoldier, but instead of having been created by the United States he was…”  
“Hydra’s.” Tasha finished for him, ending his torture.   
Wanda made a face. She was Hydra’s creation too, and it hit her painfully. She and Pietro had suffered endless torments at the hands of the scientists that had taken them from their lives and turned them into monsters destined to bring chaos and to assure Hydra’s dominion over the world. She lowered her head. “Oh.”  
“He had been our enemy for a while,” Tasha went on. “An assassin for Hydra, and has two dozen victims accounted for in an invisible record. But I think we can help him.” That last sentence was not for Wanda, however. It was directed toward Steve who thankfully glanced at her and offered her a smile of hope. Now was time for her to bring the bad news and she didn’t enjoy it.  
“Steve? There is something else I didn’t tell you yet.” She help herself with coffee from the pot and waited for him to sit down. “He destroyed his eardrums. I have no idea why.”  
The horrified look on Steve’s face made her curse. But she couldn’t do much about it. Or about the man’s still shattered memories. Or about his psychological trauma. Actually she had done everything she could for that matter. She sighed again. They had a long way to go and she hoped the decision to help Barnes instead of ending his suffering had been the right decision.

Three days had passed and Tony hadn’t come back. Steve knocked on the medical room but paused, feeling dumb, and opened the door right away. He stopped at the threshold when he saw that Bucky was up, his forehead resting against the window and his eyes wandering toward the outside. He came closer, slowly not to startle the man, and stood a few steps behind to contemplate the reflection of a face he both knew by heart and didn’t recognize.   
Eventually, maybe because he saw him on the reflection of the glass pane, Bucky turned his head toward Steve.   
“Hi, Buck.” His throat squeezed. “How are you feeling?”  
The black-haired man turned his head away again and observed Vision and Wanda walking in the garden, softly talking to each other. He did so for another minute before eventually stepping back and look at Steve again.  
“что?” his voice was but a whisper but Steve grinded his teeth. He did not speak a single word of Russian.  
“You understand English, Bucky. Can you remember it?”  
Bucky frowned, focusing hard on Steve’s lips, but his face softened as he nodded. “я помню…”  
The blond man guessed it was a yes. It had to be a yes. And he had to talk to Natasha. He gestured toward the outside. “You wanna go out? Take a breeze of fresh air?”   
Taking his friend’s confused face for a clue about not understanding he repeated slowly and when Bucky nodded again he let out a relieved sigh. Yes, he could do it. He could help him. So he opened the door and waited for the other man to join him as he escorted him toward the green garden.

The time was mild for a February so it was pleasant to just be outside. Bucky made a few paces outside, exposing his face to the shy sun with a soft and discreet smile on his lips. And for now, it was the most beautiful thing Steve had seen in ages. No, forget that. Now he was smiling at him and it was gorgeous. That smile he hadn’t seen addressed to him since 1944.   
“...... спасибо.”  
“Thank you.”  
Steve jumped a little. He hadn’t heard Natasha come their way because of the lightness of her steps. He waited for her to catch on them before resuming his peaceful walk on the little path of white gravels.   
“You have troubles with Russian, I guess?”  
“Why does he speak Russian? He spoke English last time we saw each other…”  
She only shrugged, having no answer for that, and locked her arm together with Steve’s as they continued walking. They softly talked about this and that, about the government, the last missions they carried out and the next one. They did so for an hour or so, enjoying the peace of the moment, until a chilly wind rose and Bucky began to show signs of tiredness.   
So they took him back to the medical room and Steve checked his wounds one last time, glad the serum had done most of the job. Cuts, bruises, the bones healing fast; in a week or so he would have almost nothing left from the pitiable state Tasha had found him in. His eyes however, were still lost too often, sometimes staring at bad memories and places he alone could see. Exhausted, lightless, they were the eyes of a dead man and sometimes Steve was afraid he could never drag him back from the pit he had fallen into so many decades ago.   
But for now, he was alive and it had to be okay this way. He was alive, and here, with them. They had to sort out one problem at a time. Steve left the room, closed the door on his way out and sheepishly joined the others. He sank in one of the seats with a sigh.  
“Seem tired.” Sam stated.  
“I am.” Steve answered, plainly.  
“You should go rest.” Sam continued. “Go to bed, we can manage to keep this house from falling apart without you for a few hours.” He laughed, promptly followed by Wanda who surely imagined a Steve Rogers coming down from a nap to a battlefield. They were so able to do this.  
But the Captain sighed and rose from the chair to go upstairs. He glanced one last time at his bunch of friends before climbing up the metal steps and darting toward his own room.  
It was simple, not a lot of furnitures except for a closet, a dresser and a large bed. He didn’t need much and was happy just being the only room with a balcony where he could enjoy the weather when he couldn’t find sleep. But for now it wouldn’t be difficult to slumber as he was a lot more exhausted than he was showing. Kicking off his sneakers and taking off his jeans, he let himself fall on top of the bed with a breath of ease. Sleep came almost instantly.

A scream pierced the dead of the night, waking Steve up in a start. He glanced at the window and saw that it was dark outside, and no stars were shining under the heavy clouds that brought the omen of rain. He jumped on his feet, grabbed his jeans to dress in a hurry but gave up on shoes as another scream echoed in the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I managed to post it during the second week, yeeey. I almost couldn't so, Imma be a bit proud of myself! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and see you next week!


	3. Bad Dreams

Steve ran in the long corridor of the first floor and stopped right in front of the door of the medical room where the others had already gathered. Wanda glanced at him, drawn features on her face that showed she also had been woken up by the cries.  
“Tasha is inside already,” she said.  
He gently pushed her aside, and came closer to Sam and Vision who were waiting in front of the closed door, and he then shot at them an interrogative look. They only shrugged so he pushed them as well and flew the door open. 

Inside was a nightmare of screams and blood. Tasha, seated on the bed, was trying to calm Bucky down but he didn’t seem a tad cooperative. Steve joined them and pinned him down with all his strength.  
“What happened??!” He shouted at the redhead.  
“I don’t know! I… I think he stabbed himself in the head. In the ears again.” She breathed in, closed her eyes and breathed out again, regaining a needed calm composure. “Okay. First, stop yelling. Prevent him from moving too much.” She grabbed the bloodied screw that had served the man to injure himself and tossed it aside.   
“I’m gonna check his injuries but I *need* him not to move.” She leaned forward and pushed away his dark hair, sticky from the blood, to see his left ear; the one he had attacked again. She sighed. “Okay, not that terrible. You can breathe, Steve.”  
Had he hold it so long? Apparently. Slowly, he braced his strength and dragged Bucky near him as he was struggling less and less. Steve didn’t really care that his shirt soaked in blood, tears and saliva, and with all the gentleness in the world, he cradled Bucky’s head against his shoulder. His shield was his best ally against any kind of foe, but this one? For this one he had no weapon, no strategy, no magical solution. His dearest friend was just out of his reach and he couldn’t do enough.

Tasha sighed and rose from the bed to sit more comfortably in the chair at the bedside, exhausted after the fight. She glanced at the door to see the others were still gathered in front of it. With a wince, she rose to join them, offering them a smile.  
“Sorry about that.”  
Clint frowned. “Yeah, half of the world must’ve woken up. What’s his deal?”  
Wanda elbowed him, a bit harder than she intended too. “You never have nightmares? I have, sometimes.” She stared at the room, not looking at anything in particular. “Hydra does that to people.”   
Sighing, the young woman braced herself and entered the room, silently joining Steve. She put a hand on his shoulder and he turned his blue gaze toward her, giving back her sorry smile.  
“Maybe I can be of help?”   
He stared at her for a second, not sure of what she could do, but she rolled her eyes with a soft chuckle and sat on the edge of the bed near the two men, rolling up her sleeves while settling. With Bucky’s head buried against Steve’s shoulder, she had known more comfortable positions to work but she’d make do.   
Slowly, gently, Wanda placed her fingers against his temples and let the red magic flow through her, creating filaments around her hands and his head, her eyes taking the crimson color of the power she wielded. 

“Are you sure about that?” Steve whispered.   
She didn’t answer, too focused on her task. Entering someone’s mind with subtlety not to damage it was much harder than to kick in and bash everything. Frowning, she finally dived into the abyss.  
She gagged, almost breaking contact by doing so, but held tight, barely feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks. Grinding her teeth, she shook her head and kept diving deeper. 

This mind was a mess, all stitches and broken parts held together by safety pins and a miracle. And it was loud. Filled with hundreds of voices screaming and yelling and crying at the top of their invisible lungs. And here he was, curled up into a ball in the middle of the battlefield that was his head. Slowly, as she walked toward him, the landscape changed, darkness pushed away by trees growing erratically and the pure whiteness of the snow that covered everything. She crouched near the man that wasn’t really the one she was attending to. Short hair, a blue uniform stained by dirt and blood, his weapon lying on the ground near him.  
“Who are they?” She asked softly.  
He started, surprise to hear her when there were usually only screams, and he rose his steel eyes to meet her green ones. He looked at her, his head tilted and look confused, but straightened himself to sat in front of her.   
“Everyone.” He glanced around. “They’re all dead, now.”  
Wanda sat cross-legged to look at him in the eyes. “They aren’t yours to bear. None of them.”  
He snarled before lowering his head. “You think? I’m a killing-machine. A monster.” He locked his gaze onto his hands, and didn’t look up for what seemed hours but how should they know? Eventually, he rose his gaze to stare at her again. He seemed so young.  
Wanda softly smiled, her eyes shining with tears. For several seconds, none of them moved, observing each other. But eventually, she held her hand for him to take, and as she’d done that, the cries slowly died away, tuned out by Wanda’s presence and the power she had on the minds of others. Silence surrounded them, and Bucky’s face changed because of the relief it brought to him.  
“We are more alike than you think. I, too, have been made to kill and subjugate the world. But my brother and I, we fought against it. We won. And despite losing him, losing half of my existence and my mind, I am free… I don’t bear the burden of a past that I didn’t ask for.”

He looked at her outstretched hand and, shyly, grabbed it. “I’m scared…” He whispered, shame over his whole face.  
“I know. I’m scared too.” Getting on her knees, she closed the distance between them to sit again very near. They hadn’t stopped holding hands. “What is this place?”  
He embraced the surroundings. “I died here. I fell from the train and died.” With his free hand, he brushed the snow from his pants and sighed. “But Zola had changed me before. He’s made me his thing the first time he laid his eyes on me.” His lips were trembling now, but Wanda wanted to hear him so she didn’t say anything to interrupt the flow of emotions that passed through the man. “I wish I were really dead that day. Today. Everyone I killed, everyone that died because of me, everyone that died for Hydra to recreate me… They’re mine to bear and remember.” 

Wanda lit her free hand, making the red energy dance around her finger to draw his attention. It worked. “I was stupid, I chose that path, believing it was the right path. My country was in a constant warfare and my brother and I? We hated the American army for this. Everyone. So we chose the wrong side and paid dearly for it.” A single tear rolled down her cheek, as the vision of her destroyed country home flashed before her eyes and her throat squeezed a little. “They used us, changed us, turned us into abominations. all the others died but we survived when we wished we were dead like them.” Now, a whole stream of salty water wet her face. “And we bounced from a bad decision to another, we hurt and killed, so sure we were right… Pietro paid for that offense with his life and I survived. But the Avengers, the very ones we had sworn to kill… They saved me. They offered me everything. Their forgiveness, their friendship, a way to redeem myself.”  
Her green eyes wandered a bit. This place was a mascarade. A place to hide, despite the screams, when everything was too much for him. It would not be enough, but it was a start, and a way to meet James Barnes, to meet the one she had dived into madness for. To be honest, it wasn’t purely out of the kindness of her heart. She saw herself in him, what she could have become if the Avengers hadn’t reached for her. And if she could save him then maybe… maybe she could truly save herself. 

As Wanda had begun her magic, Steve felt more than saw all of Bucky’s countenance change. He had stopped screaming, and he was now very still in his embrace, his whole weigh against his chest. He didn’t let go, however, and only glanced at the young woman who wasn’t moving anymore either. Her eyes, half-closed, were still red from the magic, and the light danced around all of them.  
Tasha stood up on the threshold, glancing at the bunch of them, but decided it wasn’t maybe something to witness. So she gestured toward the others to leave, and closed the door behind her.   
“You are not leaving, are you?” Vision asked, still here when all the others had left.  
“No. Not really. Steve is my friend, and he needs all the support he can have.” She observed him for a second, squinting. “You’re not leaving either.”  
Vision shook his head and looked at the door as if he could see the other side -which maybe he could, actually- before looking at Natasha again. “I worry for Wanda. She asks too much of herself, sometimes.”  
He was right, as always. Wanda was the kind of selfless person ready to give most of herself to bring a bit of peace to the others. Peace. That was all she had ever asked for but there she was, part of a vigilante group that searched for the fight as often as they resolved conflicts. 

They waited for three hours, under the soft lull of the rain hitting the windows. Not a sound came from the room behind them, nor from the whole house. Nothing, as if the world had turned utterly silent. But suddenly, the door flew open and Wanda came out, stumbling, her eyes red from tears. Vision gently pick her up in his arms and lifted her as if she weighed nothing. He gave an understanding nod to Tasha and left the corridor toward the young woman’s room. 

Tasha entered the medical room where Steve still was. He was still cradling Bucky against his chest, his chin placed on top of the dark-haired man’s head and his eyes staring at the wall. Tasha didn’t say a thing and only took place in the chair without letting her gaze go of them.   
“He fell back asleep.” Steve said softly without looking at her not to move.   
Again she stayed silent, but she had heard, of that he was certain. She stayed thus for several minutes until she decided she needed a cup of coffee. Maybe Steve needed one as well. So she left the room without a sound, headed back toward the kitchen, empty at this hour, and hit the power button of the coffee maker, letting the bittersweet aroma of the beverage perfume the place. Natasha sighed and heavily leaned against the bar, the tiredness of a shortened night catching up on her. She knew that wasn’t the end of it. But nobody died, so that was a plus. When the coffee maker made a “ding” she grabbed two cups and generously filled them both. Black. No sugar. As always. Outside, the rain amped up, and now it was a real storm gathering around and the thunder could be heard closing up on them. With another sigh, Natasha took the cups and went back upstairs, ready for a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for having read me! See you next week!


	4. Countryside Lullaby

The morning arrived but it didn’t bring back the sun. Outside, the sky was still of a dark grey hue and the rain still poured on the ground. Natasha woke up in the chair, groggy from the bad position she had fell asleep in. Her eyes fluttered as she tried to locate herself but the events of the night came back and she rose a bit, grunting. Was she getting too old for this shit?  
“‘Morning.” Clint was seated on the empty bed, a mug of tea in his hands, and his smug face clearly showed he was making fun of her still sleepy look. He followed her gaze and frankly laughed at her interrogation. “Steve moved, his pal with him, but you were still asleep so he didn’t wake you up. Slept well?”  
Tasha didn’t even bother to answer and extracted herself from the chair before getting out of the room, Clint on her heels.  
“Rhodey sent a message. He and Tony need the help of the team. Well, most of them, anyway. He asked for Cap, Sam, Vision and you.”  
She glanced at him. “What about Wanda and you?”  
He shrugged, sipped from his mug and winced. “Rhodey wants professionals so, not Wanda. And I asked not to be part of it.” He paused, put his mug down and fidgeted with his ring. “I miss my family so I wanted to take a bit of vacation. I suggested to take Wanda too so she won’t be bored. … And Barnes… because we can’t leave him alone in here, it’s not really nice.”  
Tasha frowned and helped herself with coffee and a croissant before sitting at the counter. “The mission will take long?”  
“Diplomatic mission with several countries. The goal is apparently to allow us to do as we please in the countries that were there and agreed so we don’t mess up like in Sokovia. Politics and that, yada yada.”  
Now she understood why Clint didn’t want to be a part of that mission. It was not quite his hobby to sit down for hours and argue and not reaching an agreement so back to arguing again. And if it was that important, it could take weeks if they wanted not to be stripped from their every rights. They had to be careful.  
“You’re gonna be okay?” she still asked.  
“Yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll be better than in a suit, surrounded by officials and a stressed Tony.” He laughed the question away. “So, if you’ll excuse me, I got to ready my things and my two guests and go home for two weeks, breathe the pure air of the countryside.” 

 

The way to Clint’s home had been quiet, nice. He and Wanda had talked chitchat during most of the trip and it wasn’t raining when they landed. It was, in fact, sunny and the blue sky was a blessing for them both. Wanda looked with wonders at the house lost in fields and forests, not believing the archer was living in such a peaceful place. As soon as the jet settled, two kids bursted out of the house and ran toward their father who greeted them with kisses and laughter of pure joy. Wanda was baffled.  
“They are…?”  
“Yeah, they’re my kids. Cooper and Lila.” He then crouched in front of them to be more their size. “Hey, kiddos, let me introduce Wanda and Bucky. They are going to stay there with us.”  
Bucky, slowly getting down of the jet, glanced at the kids before concentrating on the surroundings, scanning everything he could see. His eyes stopped on Laura Barton who was joining her kids to greet her husband. She stopped when she saw the two strangers.  
“Are they the ones you told me about this morning?” She seemed worried. Especially when she saw the soldier.  
“Yeah. Wanda and Bucky. Wanda’s nice. Bucky’s weird. But he can’t hear me so it’s okay.” He chuckled while Wanda elbowed him.  
“Hi, thank you for having us. I’m… really grateful.” She offered the woman her most beautiful smile, but it grew even wider when she saw she was with child. She turned toward Clint. “It that another baby??”  
“No, it’s cheesecake!” He burst out of laughter, under the outraged look of Wanda and Laura’s tired expression. “Sincerely, though? Yeah, our last one. A son. He’s called… Err-..”  
“Nataniel Pietro Barton.”  
Wanda’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth, fighting back rogue tears. “It’s a beautiful name.”  
Laura sent a confused glance at Clint but when she saw her expression, she grew pale. “You… He was your brother?” She clicked her tongue. “I should’ve remembered. I’m sorry.”  
Wanda offered a weak smile to Laura and shook her head. “No. It’s okay. I’m honored my brother’s memory will live through this family.”

They went inside and the house was large and comfortable, toys laying around everywhere on the ground. Clint gave Wanda her bag and told her to settle in upstairs, in Lila’s room. “She will sleep with her brother, no bother. She’ll help you settle in, are you, sweetie?”  
Lila nodded, a big smile on her face, and grabbed Wanda’s hand to drag her to the room she was apparently eager to show her. Clint then told Cooper to pick the other backpack, enough to contain all of Bucky’s stuff -clothes given by Steve-, and bring it to the guest room. Bucky was still outside, sitting on the porch, and Laura frequently glanced at him, ill-at-ease.  
Clint came in front of her. “What’s the matter? Tell me.”  
“I don’t know… Who is he? No secrets or you sleep on the couch.”  
He winced. He won’t lie. “James Barnes, a former soldier of the Second World War. He’s… a supersoldier, like the Cap.”  
She glanced back again to see the man in front of her house. He didn’t look like the Cap. “... Right.”  
Clint sighed, cursing internally. “Yeah, well, some messed up things happened. Real messed up. And since he’s kind of off, I thought vacations would help.”  
Laura rose her eyes and stepped back to go in the kitchen. A messed-up supersoldier, she needed that in the house of her children. She could hear Clint’s steps behind her but didn’t turn back as she helped herself with a glass of juice.  
“So you said he’s deaf? I won’t ask how come a soldier ends up that way because I guess it wasn’t always like that.”  
Clint bitterly laughed. “Better not to ask. It’s recent. But maybe I can help with that too, you know? He’s a friend of Natasha and she wants to help. So I’ll help too. I know the deal, with Lila already.”  
“Lila hears you, dear.”  
“Since three year ago and she’s seven.” He hugged his wife. “I’m sorry, okay? I really came here to see you first, don’t think it another way. I’m just that good at multitasking.”  
They laughed together, both knowing well it wasn’t true, but his confidence boosted hers and, more at ease, they began to cook together for dinner.

Wanda followed the little girl in the corridor of the first floor, amazed at how many family pictures hanged on the wall. Eventually, they stopped in front of a door where “LILA” was written on in various shades of purple.  
“It’s my room! It has my name on it!” The girl had an accent Wanda didn’t recognize but she did not think too much of it for now. When she pushed the door, the young woman couldn’t help but smile. She had a room like that back home in Sokovia, in happier times. The white walls were covered with drawings and pictures, and the little desk overflew with books, notebooks, barely letting enough place for the big blue radio set. The bed was twin size for some reasons and with purple sheets on it.  
“You love purple, don’t you?”  
“Yes! Like daddy! He loves it too!” The girl giggled and put the little bag near the bed and Wanda imitated her with her suitcase. “Okay! It’s your room now until you leave again! Me? I will be just there! In the room of Cooper! So if you don’t know things you can ask!”  
Cooper, talk of the devil, popped his head by the entrance and smiled. He gestured something toward Lila who answered with her hands as well right away and a crossed expression on her face. Wanda realized it was sign language. And so she realized the girl’s weird accent was just her being deaf. Clint had a deaf kid. Oh.  
“I asked her not to yell. Sorry about that. So you’re Wanda? Auntie Tasha told us about you and how you’re a magician. You’re a real magician?”  
Wanda chuckled. “Kind of. But I won’t show you in the house, though. I don’t want your father to be mad at me.”  
The boy only nodded, like he understood. “Okay. Well. Dinner’s ready in twenty so we’ll let you settle in.” He outstretched his hand for his little sister to grab it and left the room for Wanda alone.

And actually she was kind of glad for it. Slowly, she sat at the edge of the bed and exhaled. That house was a dream, everything having its place, enough room for more than the family and kids happy and smiling. She’d had that for a time. Then the first bombs had fallen from the sky and everything had been destroyed. She wiped her eyes, cursing her sensibility, and get on her feet again, decided to take her mind off bad memories by putting her stuff away. Then, this done, she opened the window and let a breeze of fresh air swirl around. All around the house there was nothing but green hills and green forests. No road ahead, no house, nothing. It was a little place of paradise hidden from the dangerous world of superheroes and vigilantes.  
But suddenly, she frowned. She leaned down the window until it was dangerous, but could see nothing from here. However, something felt off and realizing it, she bursted out of the room and ran down the stairs under the surprised look of Clint’s wife. She didn’t notice, though, and went outside on the porch.  
“Again?” Her eyes fell on Bucky who was curled up, his hands on his ears and softly swinging back and forth while a whine escaped from his throat. She sat near him and sighed. Experiencing silence then loudness again must be hard. So, slowly, she placed her fingers on his temples, gently, and let her magic flow again. Little by little, she could feel the man soothing, his muscles relax as she once again shut down the voices. She softly tucked his hair behind his ear and offered a smile when he finally looked at her.  
“Better?”  
He slowly nodded, before lowering his steel gaze again, concentrating on something she couldn’t see. Wanda stood up, checking if she was going to faint like she had done the day before but apparently everything was okay. But when she went to go back inside, she started. Leaning against the doorway, Laura was looking at them, her brow furrowed.  
“Sorry…?” Wanda tried, confused. She wasn’t sure about what the woman was thinking right now though hoped Clint would not be in trouble. Was she seeing them as problems? Did she want them to leave, especially now that she had seen her powers? Wanda understood it could frighten people.  
“It that it? Your magic Clint told me about?” When Wanda nodded, she shrugged. “It’s very red. Anyway, dinner’s ready if you want to eat, darling, so come and sit down whenever you want.”  
Wanda exhaled but couldn’t hide her relief about Laura’s reaction. With a “Thank you!” she went back in front of Bucky who wasn’t nearly as attentive as he should be and repeated what she had said. He had understood, clearly, but made no move to get up so she went in the house alone to join the family already sitting down at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could post it earlier because my college is closed until further notice! So here's a little treat for you =)  
> As always, I hope you enjoy reading my work as much as I do writing it, and see you next week!


	5. You called me and I heard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I missed last week! With Christmas and the holidays coming I had to prepare everything and didn't find the time to post, so to make it up to you, I'm gonna post two chapters this week!

It’d been two days since Clint had brought Wanda and Bucky to his farm, and the family was slowly taking the habit of having them here. Well, Wanda was eager to help for everything; cleaning, laundry, cooking or helping with the garden, everything she could do to show her gratitude. Bucky hadn’t left the guest room in two days. He was sitting on the bed, facing the window. No sound. Nothing. No cries and screams and howls in the depths of his brains, only silence. But he was glad for it. Each time the girl brushed by his mind, silence came back for longer and longer periods of time. 

He concentrated on Steve’s face, on his smiles. On his smell. It was real. It was his anchor when he felt darkness close on him again. However, who was he? He knew the man’s name and the way he felt when he looked at his bright blue eyes. He knew he knew him too, but from where? And especially… from when? Everything was messed up in his mind, with feelings both familiar and unknown. What he remembered was the fall in the water, the motionless body he’d dragged out of it, the run. Hydra catching up and those damn fucking words again. He had tried to fight back, to fight them and to fight the numbness in his soul as they made him their thing once again, a brainless machine made to kill.  
Three years of torture, of humiliation, of them breaking his body and mind over and over again. He clenched his teeth as the memories flew back to him and made him tremble. Slowly he opened and closed his left hand, the whirring of machineries he could not hear anymore but remember vividly. This weapon that could break almost anything, that broke necks and bones and governments.  
He stood on his feet, suddenly not willing to stay in this room anymore. It wasn’t his place. The room was nice, well lit by the huge window south facing and its pieces of furniture were in a light colored wood to make it yet more luminous. On a wall near the dresser, a large mirror allowed him to fully see himself. He didn’t like that but tried his best not to bash it in pieces.  
As he was going to open the door, Bucky stopped when he saw the handle move, and slowly backed up, searching the room with his eyes in hope to find a weapon. Nothing. Shit. The door opened, and as Bucky braced himself for the attack, he froze when he saw a blond child enter and smile at him. She could not be more than seven or eight. She waved, her grin not leaving her chubby face.

The girl approached with no fear at all despite his rough appearance and she stopped only feet away. And then, she rose her hands to the level of her chest and began to move them, create symbols with them. She was talking to him… He frowned, cocked his head to the side while observing that strange language. He knew thirty-seven languages. All spoken. And the military signs. Not this one.  
When the girl saw that he was truly interested by what she was doing, her smile yet brightened more and she signed slower, spelling her name while saying it with her mouth wide.   
“L.I.L.A!”  
Bucky looked at his hands, and tried to spell “Lila” too, clumsy which made her laugh of joy. She pointed her index at herself and signed “Lila” again. And he tried again. Then, because she remembered the man’s name as her father had told it to her, she pointed at him and slowly spelled “Bucky.” He frowned for a split second but suddenly his face brightened. It was his name, his own name the girl was spelling for him. So he tried as well, at first clumsily as he was struggling to be precise with his metal hand not designed for such precision, but he succeeded. Lila drew closer again, and curiously looked at the strange arm he had and she reached for it to touch it. Strangely even for him, he let her do so, sitting on the bed again to let her touch the limb more easily. She poked it, and it tightened, the metal plates lightly squeaking by doing so. She jumped, surprised, but laughed.  
He observed her better, the daughter of Clint Barton. She was a pretty child and full of kindness and energy. When she felt he was staring at her, she rose her eyes to meet his and grinned again, grabbing his hand to make him follow her as she was getting out of the room. If he didn’t want to follow her, she wouldn’t be able to do anything, but Bucky rose on his feet and fell into step behind her.

They climbed down the stairs together, under the surprised gaze of Clint and Wanda who had lost hope to see the supersoldier get out of his room again before the end of the fortnight.   
Wanda leaned over Clint’s shoulder. “Am I having a stroke?”  
“Great, so we’re two.” Clint rose a brow. “Lila, what are you doing, sweetie?”  
The blond child turned toward her father. “I wanna show Bucky the garden!”  
Clint glanced at the window. The weather wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t that marvelous either. With the shy beginning of March, they still had a long way to go before having warm days again.   
“You sure?” He inquired.  
“Yes! He wanna learn how to speak signs!!” Lila’s excitement was all over her face as she shouted her answer again for Clint’s greatest displeasure. “Buh-bye!!” And they were gone outside.

“Well that was unexpected.” Wanda chuckled as Laura entered the house, a bag full of sticks for the fire in her arms.  
Clint shrugged and went to help his wife. He was so done with all of this, but on one hand, it was the kind of things he had hoped by bringing Bucky to his home. Despite only knowing the man as the Winter Soldier, a psychotic assassin murdering his way through life, Steve and Tasha’s hope toward him had made the archer curious about a mean of redemption. It would be hypocritical not to think it was possible, knowing well that for a few days, he himself had been Loki’s weapon against his will, murdering his way through packs of colleagues and innocents for the Asgardian.   
Anyhow, Clint glanced at Wanda who nodded and left the house to join Lila and Bucky, even if she knew nothing would happen, it was a way to reassure the girl’s parents.

When Wanda arrived, a mug of steaming tea in her hands, she found the two of them seated on a bench, Lila swinging her feet back and forth while showing new signs to Bucky who mimicked her every moves. The Sokovian settled a little further, not willing to disturb them, and watched from afar.  
The girl seemed happy enough, giggling frequently and talking a lot with her loud voice. If she had given the impression of being shy at first glance all of it had disappeared, now, and Wanda wondered if the Bartons had many visitors for the child to be so eager to talk to strangers. Eventually, Lila rose her head to look at the redhead and waved at her.   
“Come with us!”  
Wanda laughed a bit but rose on her feet to come and sit with them on the wooden bench. “Hi, Lila.”  
“Hi! I wanted to speak about flowers but they are not grown up yet!” She gestured at the garden that had yet to fully recover from winter and pouted. But it didn’t last long for her smile came back on her face and she turned again toward Bucky who curiously glanced at her.

Eventually, because a chilly wind arrived, bringing heavy clouds with it, they returned home, Lila still dragging Bucky by the hand. The evening was approaching so Wanda left them in the living room to help cooking and dressing the table.  
Cooper shyly joined her sister on the couch, curious about what she was doing and a bit worried for that huge stranger intimidated him by his sole presence and his quietness. He thought the man was weird, elsewhere like Natasha was sometimes when she was thinking about bad things she didn’t want to talk about. But Cooper didn’t say anything, he just sat and watched Lila teach him signs he would copy until he did them right.   
However, it cut short when Laura called her kids for supper, and Lila waved at Bucky before running toward the kitchen. Cooper stayed there a bit longer, observing him. He asked if he wanted to join them to dine.  
No answer came, so he shook his head and joined his family and Wanda who was having fun with her own variation of scrambled eggs. Clint stepped out of the office as his wife called him too and he apologized for not having helped, but his face screamed ‘thank god, I hate cooking when my wife’s in the kitchen because if we’re both there I am suddenly a moron about everything.’  
“Your supersoldier is gonna starve to death one day, honey.” Laura served her kids while glancing at the living room.  
Clint sighed and got up, but he stopped and turned to Wanda. “Sorry to bother, but I’m sure he likes you better.”  
Wanda laughed, dismissing the thought, but went anyway.

Bucky was still on the couch, his eyes emptily wandering around, but he must have seen her from the corner of his eyes because as soon as she stepped forward he stared at her.  
“Wanna eat?”  
“Здесь мне нет места...” he whispered without letting his gray gaze off her face.   
Wanda apologetically smiled. “I don’t understand. But you need to eat if you want to heal.”  
“где он? Steve?”  
Wanda curiously glanced at him. “Steve? He’s not here. But I can call him if you want to. Come eat, I’ll ask Clint to call Steve after dinner.”  
For several seconds, he didn’t move and she wondered if that was a no. But eventually he stood up and followed her, and she was kind of relieved about that. She had heavy doubts about being able to convince a stubborn Winter Soldier.   
The both of them settled and Clint casted a thankful expression at Wanda who only smiled at him. 

They let dinner pass by and the kids go to bed to be rested the following morning at school but when everyone had left the first floor, Wanda went to Clint’s office and softly knocked on the door. When she heard a “come in” she entered. She had to ask the archer when Steve would be back from his mission. The answer was disappointing, though, as he sighed and explained that the reunion wasn’t going that well and the Avengers had still much to discuss about with the various countries’ leaders present. It was more like it could be a week longer at least.


	6. The quietest days

It had been more than a week since they had arrived, but he wasn’t really sure, not quite as attentive about the time passing as he should’ve. Today, he was alone in the house. The kids had left for school and Clint and his wife had taken Wanda to the nearest city for her not to die of boredom. He liked it. Nothing moved around, except for the few chickens roaming around the house and the grass slowly waving under the breeze. Bucky closed his eyes, allowing the darkness to surround him, render him helpless. He liked that too. No threats, no fear. He wasn’t quite used to those few moments yet, always on his guard, afraid of his own dreams. But sometimes he could think everything would be okay and he hadn’t done this in an eternity.

Bucky’s mind was still a mess of fragments of memories he was unable to place, to situate. Faces he didn’t know, places he never saw. A past that escaped his grasp every time he was trying to reclaim it. But for now it was fine. For now he was just glad to be free from Hydra and from the bastards that had sworn to make his life a living hell. He opened his eyes again and carefully grabbed the cup of coffee put on the ground of the porch, near him, and sipped while letting his eyes wander around. The sun was bright and had brought with it an early spring weather.

 

But suddenly, he felt the ground faintly quiver and sighed. A car was approaching the house even if he couldn’t see it yet. And indeed, a black r8 appeared and came to a full stop merely forty feet from him. The door opened and he frowned. It was the redhead. Natasha Romanov. The woman who found him and looked at him as if she knew him but beside her name he had no clue on who she was. Well she wouldn’t be the first one to be disappointed. She walked directly toward him. Not the house and its entry door but him. He frowned some more and even if he couldn’t hear her he knew she was speaking Russian.

 

“Hello, Barnes.” She stayed up and crossed her arms in front of her.

“What do you want?” Bucky asked in the whisper of his voice.

“Talk to you. Ask how you’re doing.” She plainly stated. Those people were weird.

“........... Why?”

Natasha shook her head before heading to the house and getting back but a few minutes later, a cup of coffee in her hands as well. She sat near him, cross-legged on the wooden floor.

“We are worried. We are not your enemies, and you know it.” She looked at him, and he could feel she was looking for something in his eyes. “Clint told me you were doing good, here. Steve was glad about that.”

“Where is he?” He felt silly for missing a man he barely knew.

“Still in Brussels. The meeting’s not finished.”

He frowned and tilted his head, not sure about her presence here if she was busy. But he had understood quickly she was a dear friend of Clint and his family. So maybe that was why she had bailed out early. To see her friends. Maybe she wasn’t aware the archer was not here. But if so, why would she want to talk to him? He suddenly realized his confusion must be pretty obvious when he saw her smile at him.

“You are so wary, Bucky. Well… I don’t blame you for that.” She drank from her mug, looking around for a few seconds. “I kn- [...] worry.”

 

He hadn’t caught that right. It was hard when people were not in front of him so he could see their lips moving. It was exhausting to have to concentrate every time people talked to him, or talked at all. Following a conversation was impossible. But he had done that to himself, so he had to endure it. Bucky thought about Lila who was always communicating with her hands and it was easier that way for him.

So, with a sigh, he dragged himself to be in front of Natasha, a crossed expression on his face. He extended his arm to take back his own mug and glared at the woman who seemed more than surprised. But suddenly she blushed, shame over her face.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…” She pouted for a few seconds before an apologetic smile replaced the grimace. “I’ll be careful. Anyway, if you want to talk you have to know that more than one person here is willing to listen. You’re more understood than you think.”

“I’ve killed people. Innocent ones.” He stopped, worry creasing his forehead. “Does Stark know?” he asked in a hush.

Natasha shook her head. “No. He will be pissed. But he is of the ones for whom it’ll be harder to understand anyway.”

 

They stayed silent for a few minutes after that, enjoying their coffee while a thousand thoughts swirled on their heads. But Bucky could see something was gnawing at Natasha.

“What?”

She started a bit and again focused on the man who was now staring at her. Then she laughed.

“I was wondering… why Russian?”

Her question took him aback. He hadn’t really thought about that despite the others around slowly giving up at understanding his already few answers. He shrugged.

“It feels… safe.” It really didn’t. “I heard it all the time I can remember. Orders. Questions. Reports. Missions. Everything.” He frowned, not really sure his answer was clear, but that was all he had right now.

She didn’t react to that right away and seemed to really think about it, but eventually she slowly nodded. “Okay. Keep it the way you like for now.”

“I like talking with Lila.”

Natasha laughed and rose her hand to sign, laughing even louder when she saw that his face suddenly brightened.

_“You already know how to sign?”_ She asked in the mute language.

“ _Yes, almost entirely.”_ He answered the same way. He was a fast learner.

_“I’m sure Steve can learn it. He will like it.”_

Bucky frowned. He thought about it. About Steve. Maybe that woman was the best to answer his questions. So he focused for a while while Natasha observed how his face suddenly became serious again but not scary serious. More of a confused seriousness. He switched back to his whispering Russian.

“Who is he? … For me.”

The spy sighed, sipped on her cold coffee and winced at the beverage. She wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it all but maybe he could hear some.

“You have to be careful on your memories, Bucky. Don’t rush things… So I’ll only say that you’ve known him for a long time. Longer than me or anyone from the team. And he loves you more than he loves anyone else. Trust in him.”

 

He lowered his head. Flashes of a scrawny blond boy in dirty streets. Nothing more, really, but he could feel his eyes sting from held tears. Natasha’s words… he believed them. He had to, given the flood of emotions rushing in his head right now. Suddenly, Bucky started as he felt her hand on his knee. He rose his eyes to look at her and her confident smile. For the first time in forever, he truly had the impression things could become good.

 

They fell in a comfortable silence that lasted more than an hour, making the most of the sunny weather, until Clint’s SUV drove in the driveway and stopped right next to Natasha’s car. The two kids immediately jumped out of it to run toward ‘Auntie Tasha’ with cries of joy. She caught them mid-run to embrace them both while the three adults joined them while laughing.

“Tasha!! Tasha!! I got a hundred at math!!” Lila yelled, not letting go of the redhead.

“Oh really? Good job, sweetie!”

“We’re never gonna stop hearing about it.” Clint added while joining them and kissing his best friend on the cheek. “How was Brussels?”

“Awful. I fled.” Tasha answered while leaning to kiss Laura as well. “How’s little Nathaniel?”

Laura lovingly rubbed her belly. “Kicking. It’s almost due. Less than a month to wait and Clint isn’t even close to have finished the bedroom, so… you know…” She smiled to the avenger and gestured her toward the house while Clint and Wanda finished emptying the car of all the buying they have done, and mostly for the baby’s arrival. The kids came to help, still chirping about Natasha being here and how it was wonderful and how Lila had a thousand things to say to her. Those were the moments Clint was a bit wishing he was deaf… Well not really but he had the thought on many occasions like that.

 

Bucky hadn’t moved from his position the whole time, not quite comfortable with the sudden energy all around when minutes ago it was absolute calm. He offered Wanda a shy smile though, hidden under his hair. She waved at him and followed the others inside, not asking him to join them and he was glad for that. Too many people in a too short amount of time all of a sudden. And too many people talking to each other for him not to feel shut away anyway.

 

However, when the sun began to set, Wanda came back outside, two mugs in her hands, and she sat near Bucky, giving him one of them.

“Can I join?”

He nodded. She looked at the horizon, her whole being radiating tranquility. She didn’t need to say anything, he didn’t need to answer anything. It was fine, and his head was so quiet…

Bucky closed his eyes, once again surrendering to helplessness, and laid his head against the wall, the coffee warming his hands against the chills of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here! All kept up, now. Those chapters are a bit calmer, a bit less stressful for both the characters and I because, jeez I can't only mistreat them. Don't worry, the rush will be back, though. Holidays last only for so long. Anyway, as usual, I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing the damn thing! And I'll see you next week!


	7. The Song of the Storm

Finally, as the day barely broke the horizon, the chopper landed on the tarmac of the Avengers’ base. Tony got out first, evidently in a hurry to go inside, followed by Rhodey who apparently was in the middle of a conversation with him. The others were slower, chitchatting along the way about the meeting that had taken three weeks of their lives. They all seemed tired, exhausted even, but happy so it couldn’t have gotten that bad.

Wanda was although really curious about the decisions reached by the international leaders so as soon as they entered the base she jumped on them. On the table she and Clint had set a gargantuan breakfast for everyone, a sight that pleased Steve and Sam who glanced at each other before smiling to their friends.

“I suppose rest is not an option as long as you don’t know everything?” Tony asked with a tired voice.

The others shook their heads so he sat as well and helped himself with a large cup of coffee with a sigh. Rhodey decided to do the talking to spare his cranky friend to do it.

 

“A hundred and three countries were there. Even Wakanda broke their autarchy to be there so that was quite the big event. Nobody was listening to each other and everyone went on with their own idea about the treaty. But eventually we settled for something that concerns all of us and that is important. We have access and jurisdiction in all these countries except for Wakanda who keeps the right to refuse us access, so we have to ask. The US government has unlocked a special budget for the reparations and every country participates on that budget so we have to try and keep casualties on buildings to the minimum. On lives to zero if possible. It’s important.”

 

The soldier stopped there to have the time to enjoy a bit of breakfast while Clint and Wanda stared at him, dumb expression on their faces. Wanda asked first.

 

“But what about the countries that didn’t sign…?”

“They’re on their own.” The Cap answered first. It was obvious he didn’t like that idea, but he had no choice on the matter. Risking a war wasn’t his idea of defending the planet.

“Russia didn’t sign. Sokovia didn’t either.” Tony said, casting a sorry glance at the Sokovian girl. “But at least we can freely act in a huge part of the world including most of Europe, a part of Asia and Africa, and the whole of America. It’s not bad.” He shrugged.

 

They ended breakfast with more trivial discussions, now that everyone was aware of what had happened at Brussels.

Steve was a bit disappointed Bucky wasn’t here when he arrived. He hadn’t seen the man for three weeks and despite knowing he was okay he missed him a lot. Well, he would have time to catch up now. The whole of the envoy team settled to go to bed immediately, letting Clint and Wanda the task of cleaning everything despite their protestation. They had a lot of sleep to catch up to and were in no hurry to do anything else.

 

As the night was closing on the skies, the base was a lot quieter than in the morning. Rhodey and Tony had gone back to New-York and Sam had gone home in Washington DC. Clint had left again with Natasha this time and Steve was suspecting it had to do with a presumed dead Fury. In the living room, Wanda and Vision were playing chess; she had no way of winning against a humanoid supercomputer but she seemed to like the intellectual challenge it provided. Bucky was with them, and it surprised the blond man when he joined them downstairs. Sitting near one of the lamps, he was deep in a book, his hair tied in a low bun not to bother him by going all over his face. Steve sat right beside him, and he offered the man a smile when he rose his head to look at him before returning to his book. The night went sleepless but nicely with the four of them enjoying the quietness of a nearly empty base. Vision, particularly, seemed to like not having his “father” around to constantly remind him he was supposed to be a Jarvis 2.0. He felt like he could be more himself, more human than everyone would give him credit to, and Steve did notice the android’s attentions toward Wanda, his fondness when he would look at her while she wasn’t paying attention. And he did notice how Wanda would do the same too, wondering when they would both notice they had the same feelings toward each other. Kids.

 

The days slipped by unnoticed and almost a week had passed like this, without too much news for the Avengers. It worried Steve but he was the only one. Wanda liked peace. Vision liked to be with Wanda. Bucky… Buckied. And the Cap kind of wished everything was going to be alright for everyone from now on. He wished someday heroes wouldn’t be needed anymore, that the world would turn quiet. Silly wish.

 

This night was far from nice. Outside, a storm was roaring, its strikes of lightning set the darkness on fire and the loud rumble of the thunder deafened the surroundings, covering every other sound around. It covered the tone of an EMbomb that shut down the alarms and defense system. It covered the sound of a hundred soldier swarming in. It didn’t cover Wanda’s cry as they barged into the kitchen where she was trying to calm her fear from the storm. In an instant, everything went ablaze.

 

Wanda shielded herself from the fires at once, all her focus turned toward one thing; surviving. In front of her, twenty armed men were firing their automatic guns to try and kill her, mercilessly. She cried for help, her magic lighting the whole room with crimson. When Vision phased near her, he instantly attacked and two of the assailants suddenly fell on the ground, their masses ten times heavier than usual. The sound of bones shattering under the push echoed around. One of the soldiers shouted in Russian before throwing at the two Avengers an unknown device Vision hurried to catch before it could hit Wanda’s magic shield. It was a mistake… In an instant, it triggered a piercing sound that shattered everything around and his eyes widened in shock as one by one, every electronic system in his body shut down. The soldiers, relentless, continued firing, closing on the two heroes step by step under the redhead’s helpless gaze as she watched her love fall on the ground. She rose her head to stare at the enemies and her eyes turned bright red.

 

“You’re gonna regret that!” She yelled, tears all over her face. All her fear had disappeared, now, replaced by a boiling rage as she forcefully entered the heads of everyone in range, not caring a bit about the consequences. All at once, she confronted them with all she had, turning their thoughts into nightmares and suffering. The air was filled with shrieks that pierced above the rumbling thunder, and the soldiers fell one by one, some shooting at their own heads, others simply dying of fear. Wanda felt a bullet pierce her flesh under the ribs but she didn’t care, didn’t stop tormenting the ones that had invaded her house and hurt Vision. She couldn’t see anything else than pure rage. She would not lose him like she lost Pietro. She could not. And suddenly silence came back, forcefully. Everyone was dead around her, lying in their own blood and fluids. She fell on her knees, exhausted like she had never been before, her vision blurring more and more each passing second. She wanted to see if Vision was alright but her body didn’t respond anymore, only her brain was furiously working to process what had happened. Was it all? Were they safe? With a whine, she collapsed on Vision’s motionless body.

 

Steve, in his room, was reading a book when he heard Wanda’s cry. He jumped on his feet to run to her but at the same moment the door exploded, sending him crashing through the window and landing on the ground under the torrential rains. With a low grunt, he rose from the dirt to find himself surrounded. No shield, no shoes, that seemed bad, but he would take it, thinking about nothing but the girl’s terrified scream. With a roar, he jumped on the nearest assailant and punched him hard enough to hear the bones crack under the pressure. The man yelped, falling for good. Steve delivered an uppercut to the next one but suddenly they all began to fire toward him. Two bullets hit their target before he could jump above everyone and try and dodge the assault. Three more bit his back as he ran to the building and he stumbled, catching himself with the wall. He was not near ready enough to deal with so much enemies at once but he couldn’t give up yet. He ripped off the steel door of the entrance, groaning as blood heavily poured from his wounds, and used it as a shield to stop the incoming fire. It was holding but wouldn’t do for long. With all the strength he had left, he threw the 650 pounds of metal right on the men, crushing several under the weight by doing so. The ones that had managed to avoid the projectile hesitated then, Steve still at gunpoint, but not shooting anymore. He looked at them, panting, but suddenly remembered Wanda. Inside, the cries had stopped and he feared the worst. Despite his injuries still abundantly bleeding, he ran inside and toward the kitchen, feeling heavier and heavier each taken step. He passed out before he could reach her or Vision, only catching a glimpse of red hair and a black suit sprinting to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I bad at keeping a schedule? Definitely.
> 
> Anyway, see you for the next chapter!


	8. Blazing Hell

The Black Widow cursed between her teeth, kneeling in front of a passed out Steve that was losing a lot of blood on the ground. She checked his pulse that was weakening more and more because of the bullet that had in all likelihood pierced a lung, and yelled in her com-link for Clint to hurry up and meet her.

“I need help, here!! I’m losing Steve!”

The archer was near her in no time, already pulling out of his belt something to stop the hemorrhage. “What the heck, Tasha! I stopped like ten men outside! How many are they?!?” He was clearly panicking as he put pressure on the Cap’s most severe injuries. They were only supposed to go home after a nicely done job to get some rest and a nice snack. He wasn’t prepared to repel a massive attack.

“Stop complaining! I’m gonna try and find the others. I hear at least fifty more men in the building so I need you to grab Steve and put him in a safe place. I’ll meet you there!” 

 

She sprang in the corridors, hoping not to find a bunch of corpses down there that weren’t dressed like paratroopers. She had seen Steve running toward the kitchen so maybe she would find the others there. The door was blasted and the sight of that yet increased her fear of not having made it in time. However the scenery was very different from what she had expected. Blood everywhere, bodies lying around, and in the middle of it, untouched by the fluids, Vision and Wanda were both unconscious. Wanda had a single injury but nothing serious by what Natasha could see. Vision, though, she couldn’t explain his condition nor break him out of his unresponsive state. She plentifully cursed again and grabbed the both of them ungracefully to drag them wherever Clint had put the Cap. But Vision was too heavy for her to hope dragging them both at the same time, so she just picked up Wanda and hurried to find Clint. Midway, the archer met her and helped her, going back to grab Vision, and he guided his friend to the place he had deemed the safest; the cave.

“I managed to stop Steve from bleeding to death but he’s not breathing right. We need to call the others, Tasha, or he’s not gonna mak-” He was interrupted by a loud explosion from the upper floors. He glanced at the spy. “Go! I’ll make the call but you have to hurry and be careful!! I still don’t know how many are left!”

“Don’t worry about that,” she growled. “Keep them alive and get them out of here.” Natasha left the cave and ran up the stairs.

 

She knew after what the soldiers were… or rather after whom. If they caught him, it was back to square one and no way it would happen. But she was now certain of the whereabouts of the attacks. It had to be Hydra that had too much at stake if suddenly the fucking Winter Soldier spilled all their dirty secrets. Unsheathing her gun, Natasha met the first resistance as soon as she arrived at the third floor and instantly began to shoot to kill. One bullet, one dead. Quick, efficient work. As she draw deeper in the corridors, she heard the first cries, howlings of pain and terror. Shit. Killing a soldier that was trying to flee, the Black Widow turned to enter the library from where the screams were coming from. 

It was a nightmare. Those men were certainly not near ready to fight against such a thing and she felt the urge to hurl. The library was a mess of guts and limbs torn apart, at least forty dismantled corpses savagely dismembered covered the ground and the walls, and in the middle of that… Not Bucky Barnes. That man looked nothing like Bucky Barnes. He was covered in blood from head to toes, his and his victims’. His knife deeply buried in one of the soldiers’ chest, he was gouging the man’s eye out with his metal arm. He pushed back the man and bashed his head so violently it exploded. A para shot all his bullets at Barnes but he blocked them while walking toward him, his dead eyes glaring at him. Tasha shot the man in the head before he could reach him, and did the same with the three soldiers near her and paralysed. But more where swarming their way and soon she had to back up not to be shot in the back. Barnes jumped in the middle of the remaining group and bit so deeply into one of the men’s throat he ripped the jugular vein out. One took the opportunity to shoot him at point blank range but he didn’t even react when the bullet exploded against his side, only grabbing the shooter’s head and squeezing it so hard blood and brain poured out of his ears.

Natasha grinded her teeth. She had to stop that and pray he wasn’t going to attack her too because right now she had zero chances of stopping him other than putting a bullet through the back of his skull.. So she grabbed her own knife and quickly killed the remaining soldiers while he was busy with his. They were the last ones. Instantly, silence fell around, threatening to crush her. She stepped over the bodies to carefully join Bucky who was standing very still in the middle of the slaughter. Her heart was racing in her chest but she kept her composure. She was a professional, and she *would* kill him if she had to, but she’d rather not to be honest. She had grown to like the man and to hope he would be better.

 

Clint arrived at the door and stopped his sprint instantly. In front of him, Bucky was glaring at them, his teeth bared in a low growl, and he knew he was going to attack. Near the archer, Tony had come to a stop as well and glanced at him with uneasiness while readying his blasters to defend himself. Clint was also ready to shoot at the man if it was needed, but Natasha was in there and he feared for his friend. But suddenly, he saw the spy jump in front of Barnes and cup his face between her hands.

“Стой! Ты не имеешь права это делать. Ты не имеешь права убивать. Это приказ!”

The reaction was instantaneous. His eyes widened and he tried to back up from the woman but she kept him still, glaring at him.

“Подчиняйся, Актив . ” she growled. “Спокойно.” She could feel him getting heavier and sighed when he fell on his knees with a soft whimper. She followed on the ground, relieved it worked, although she didn’t really like the reaction she had gotten. Giving him orders like that, making him obey again like a fucking dog. But it worked.

In an instant, Tony and Clint barged in and joined them.

“What the fuck was that, Tasha?!” Clint cried out. “What happened here?!”

“I think it’s clear what happened, Barton.” He glanced at Bucky with disgust before sweeping around with furrowed brows. “Who were those guys anyway?”

“Hydra,” Tasha plainly stated. “How’s Steve?”

“Rhodey’s taken care of him and the others. The Cap and Wanda are rushed to  a private clinic and Vision will be brought to my lab to see what’s wrong.” He then left the room, not keen to stay longer in the middle of a slaughterhouse. 

Clint jolsted a body to crouch near them and frowned. He was pretty sure Bucky was about to cry. “What did you say to him?” He asked.

But Natasha didn’t answer. She had been cruel and hated it. “Я извиняюсь,” she whispered, her hands still holding his face for him to look at her. And he broke down in tears, and she let him fall against her, smoothing his hair. She knew he could not hear her but she went on, still whispering in russian.

“Я здесь, все кончено .”

 

Clint stayed there, awkwardly, not sure about what to do. Eventually, as several minutes had passed, he cleaned his throat to draw his friend’s attention toward him. When she rose tired eyes to meet his, he offered her a helping smile.

“We should get out of here, and join the others. Plus, I think Barnes is bleeding out so…”

She swore out loud. She had forgotten his injuries. Natasha gently forced Bucky on his feet and he obediently followed as she guided him downstairs. 

 

Tony was in front of the building, angrily talking on the phone but he stopped and cut the argument down when he saw them get out. Sighing, obviously mentally exhausted, he waved toward the jet waiting behind him. 

“Let’s get you all to DC, eh? The clinic is aware of our arrival and Rhodey texted me about the Cap currently being taken care of.”

Clint nodded and went first to take out the first-aid kit, quickly followed by Natasha, Bucky, and Tony who settled in the chair of the pilot and heavily leaned backward, setting the jet on auto-pilot. He then turned the chair around to look at the bunch behind them. They were messes, covered in blood, cuts, bruises and Barnes was bleeding out in the plane.

“So? What happened?” Tony casually grabbed a pack of snacks from a bag at his feet while staring at them.

“They were attacked by Hydra. When we came home after our mission the assault had already begun and I found the Cap gravely injured. I don’t know much before that and neither does Clint.” Tasha answered, reaching for a treat as well but without letting her hand go off Bucky’s right arm. She pensively chewed on the chocolate, replaying the events in her head, trying to imagine how the paratroopers had managed to find an EMbomb powerful enough to shatter defences created by the combined minds of Tony and the best SHIELD engineers. They had to had have intel before the mission to be prepared enough, and to know few people would be remaining in the base at that time. But how? How had they managed to get that much information when the whole system was more secure than the Pentagon itself? She was so confused and so tired, right now, she wasn’t thinking straight. SO Natasha only sank a bit in the chair and closed her eyes, only eager to arrive so she could sleep. 

She woke up when the plane landed at the clinic owned by Stark, alerted by the landing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the holidays is a confusing time for me. What day is it??


	9. I Know You

The last ten floors of the Avengers Tower was private access. Nobody could come in and work there despite the rest of the whole building being offices and labs and hundreds of people working for Tony Stark. Here, it was quiet, it was a safe place. He silently roamed the corridors, looking for but one thing. He knew he was here. He had to be here after two weeks in a clinic fighting to survive. 

He stopped, put his hand flat against one of the cold walls, and squeezed his eyes shut. On the other side, he could feel the vibrations of medical machineries, and he thought it had to be it. The door was closed but unlocked, and he pushed it open with care. On the bed, Steve Rogers was sleeping peacefully, his chest rising and falling with a comforting regularity and his face had lost the chalky color of near death. Bucky sighed, and sat on the chair near the bed, hesitant and confuse. Those last weeks had been hell, anguish, fear to be caught again and terror of losing the man. He remembered Tasha’s words about Steve. He remember how he felt each time Steve would come and try to make him feel better. His past was still deep under his skull, unreachable, but he knew he didn’t want Steve to die. 

Shyly, he extended his right hand to grab Steve’s; he could feel the steady pulse under his fingers and he held on to that, to the thought that man lying in the bed was not afraid of him, was caring for him and didn’t see him as a monster when the others couldn’t look at his face anymore. Except for Natasha, they were afraid. And he understood that. He was too.

 

Bucky laid his head on the edge of the bed, still holding Steve’s hand, and he could feel tears in his eyes he relentlessly kept out.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” 

The words in his mind kept flooding out of his mouth and he heard them in his head, in his bones. He didn’t know if he was really pronouncing them, or if it was in english. He hoped it was, he wanted Steve to understand him, to talk to him and tell him it didn’t matter if he was a mess and maybe unsavable. So he talked in a loop, the same damn sentence over and over again like a verbal tic, his head buried against the mattress. But suddenly he stopped and stiffened, startled. He could feel it, Steve’s hand on his head, slowly brushing back his hair. So he rose his head and fell face to face with blues eyes full of care and gentleness, and Steve’s face show how exhausted he was, but how happy he was too.

“Hey, it’s okay, Buck.” He let his hand fall on his chest, too tired to move again, and smiled. “You’re okay?”

Bucky weakly nodded, not fully understanding how that man that had almost died could be more concerned about him than his own wellbeing. With a huff, Steve tried to move but only managed to grimace when he hurt himself, so, carefully, he settled again in the bed and turned his face toward the ceiling, dozing off again. Bucky stayed there until the man fell back asleep, and even minutes after that, concentrating on the pulse he could feel with his fingers against Steve’s hand. He would be fine, he would shake the injuries off and again be the invincible Captain America. The man that would rush at fortresses to end the war but stutter while talking to girls. The man that would fight foes twice his size, wheezing pure rage at injustices. Bucky’s eyes widened and he suddenly let go, rose on his feet and left the room in a hurry. 

 

His head hurt like hell as images of the past would surge behind his lids. He groaned but managed to catch himself against a wall before stumbling. It was too much to handle, too much to brush away. Thousands of pictures turned around in his head, pictures of young people, of laughter, of streets that looked nothing like the ones he could see right now by the windows. Then pictures of a funeral, the funerals of a woman of whom he couldn’t catch the name but he could feel sorrow emptying his lungs. The scenery changed around him as he felt his head spin painfully. Concrete walls, a man telling him that Captain America died, the war was lost. They lost everything. He had no more reason to fight. He grinded his teeth as pain came violently, again and again in his temples. A fall. Snow. A pub full of laughter and beer, friends partying like there would be no tomorrow. A lab. A man hitting him again and again while yelling at him. A floating car. Candy bars shared in front of the ocean. With a grunt, he felt himself falling hard on the ground but could do nothing to stop it. He hit his head on the floor and let out a cry of pain before curling up into a ball… The surroundings stopped spinning as soon as he did that, his face hidden against his knees, and his arms around his head. 

Bucky couldn’t tell how long he stayed there, trying to calm his erratic breath, but when he finally opened his eyes, the natural light had been replaced by the artificial one as the night poured through the window. He caught a movement near him and tried to rise his head to see who was here but the operation made him dizzy again. A hand gently squeezed his shoulder and someone was talking to him, he could feel that with the subtle changes of the air around them. Wanda popped in front of his field of vision and he started a bit.

“Let me help you get up, mmh?”

He nodded slowly and, with the girl’s help, managed to sit against the wall and get his hair out of his eyes, looking around with confusion.

“Are you all right?” 

He nodded again, but frowned. “I…” He wasn’t really sure of what had happened but a lot of names and images came to him. Things he remembered, fully or partially. “I know things. I… I remember things, I think?”

Wanda crouched and brushed his forehead. “Oh you hit your head real hard here. You passed out?” When he couldn’t give her the answer to that she rose on her feet and give him her hand. “Let’s look at that, okay?”

  
  


Bucky was a bit surprised with the easiness Wanda had around him. She knew what he had done back at the base, and she too had been very careful around him for weeks, trying to avoid his gaze. Now she was making sandwiches for both of them in the kitchen and he didn’t understand why. But he didn’t dare ask her, worried it would make her go again. She handed him the sandwich and bit in her own, sitting in front of him.

“So? You speak english, now? That’s good.” She said while wiping the corner of her mouth for bread crumbs. “You remember what?”

“I… I am not sure.” He saw her frown and lend closer, trying to pick up what he was saying. He was afraid that if he spoke louder he would yell so he just gave her an apologetic smile she brushed away, and went on. “A lot, I guess. I remember Brooklyn. Part of. And the war. Steve. My name, too.”

She nodded, gulping down the food. “That’s a good thing. I mean, that’s progress, I think.”

“You’re not afraid of me anymore?” He finally asked.

She seemed taken aback a bit, but her face shifted from that to a guilty expression. “.. No. Not really. Never was. I mean… You are scary and strong enough to kill me with a punch. But I was in your head, Bucky. I know who you are.” She hesitated for a while, looking elsewhere than him. “[...] -r fault.” She looked at him again while finished her sentence and he frowned but understood maybe it wasn’t really meant for him what she had said.

“... Can you show me?” He could barely breathe, so he pushed the plate away and looked right in her eyes. “Can you show me what you saw? Wh-... Who you saw?”

Wanda gently smiled and put her sandwich away as well. “Yes I can. Tiny bits by tiny bits, the good stuff.” She sighed and rose from her seat, gesturing toward the couch near the windows. “Come.”

He followed her, his hands shaking so badly he crossed his arms against his chest to stop it. he was afraid, but he wanted to see, to understand the man he had seen in the reflections of his memories. They sat near each other and she exhaled, letting her power warm the atmosphere around them, before gently pushing the hair on his forehead and putting the tip of her fingers against his temples.

“The good stuff. What you were then, what people saw when they looked at you. I can show you hopes and dreams. You ready?”

He nodded and closed his eyes.

 

_ When he opened his eyes again, Wanda was in front of him, smiling, and all around he could hear music and laughters, and people casually chitchatting around them. He looked around, his eyes wide, but he instantly observed his hands. Two hands. Flesh hands. No scars, no broken bones badly healed. _

_ “1934. I think we are in June but I’m not sure.” Wanda came closer to him. “That’s a memory, Bucky. Steve is waiting for you at one of the tables, and you are fetching the drinks because even if you’re not legally allowed to buy drinks the lady bartender thinks you’re cute so she sells them to you.” She backed away, and he backed away with her, leaving that young and innocent version of himself go by the counter with a charming smile on his lips. _

_ “Hi, lady!” Barnes said without dropping the grin. “Can I have two beers and your most beautiful smile?” _

_ The lady laughed. “I could, but I’m gonna be in trouble, ain’t I?” She nonetheless served two full pints she slid toward him while he drew the cash out of his pocket. _

_ “No, you’re not.” He winked. “I was never there.”  _

_ He caught the glasses and went back to the table where Steve was waiting, clearly nervous, fidgeting with his cuffs. _

_ “We should no be here, Buck. If my mom hears about that she’s going to kill both of us dead.” _

_ “Relax, punk. She’s not gonna know it if you don't tell her. Plus look around! You see the pretty ladies? Pretty sure this one looks at you.” Barnes laughed. _

_ “Yeah, because she thinks I’m ridiculous and small?!” _

_ “You look handsome, shut your mouth.” He drank a good load of his beer with no care in the world, and sang along the lady that performed on the stage a few feet from them. Steve was drinking too, slowly, and soon they were both laughing, and enjoying the light mood of the place. They knew Europe was slowly falling apart, Roosevelt talked a great deal about it through the radio waves but it was so far away!  _

_ Against the wall of the bar, close from them, Bucky looked at that. He looked at those boys with fondness. He looked at the way they glance at each other with complicity with not a care in the world, and the rasp voice of the singer brought him back to this time with ease. He liked his time, the time that’s seen him be born and grow up. Wanda was discovering all that through his mind, a living museum of peace and joy. She glanced at him. _

_ “You were happy and caring, you lived your life to the fullest.”  _

 

_ Slowly, the scenery changed around them, and they were surrounded by tents, in France. Again, Bucky saw this other him, surrounded by men. He frowned. He knowed their names. All of them. Dernier, Dugan, Morita, Juniper, Falsworth, Jones, Sawyer and Pinkerton… _

_ “The Howling Commandos…” He whispered. They were all around Barnes, trying to cheer him up but Bucky didn’t know why the man was so sad. _

_ “You were tired of killing.” Wanda stepped forward. “You wanted to go home and see your family, and you didn’t want to kill people anymore even if they were bad guys.” She turned toward the group. “You could have been discharged long ago, but Steve wasn’t going to go home until the war was over. So you stayed. You were surrounded by friends and you were doing good by fighting the enemy… But you were sweet, Bucky. You never were a murderer. Still not, to this day.” _

 

Again, they were in the Avengers Tower, in New-York. Wanda let her hands rest on her thigh, cutting the power and the images away. Bucky had a very serious face for a moment, and she waited for him to say something.

He rose his head to look at her, and she followed the single tear that rolled down his cheek.

“Thank you.”

The girl smiled. “I’m not afraid of Bucky Barnes, you see? I can’t. He’s a good man. And you just have to find him again because he’s still here. You are. And soon, you’ll be you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And VOILÀ, not late anymore. Hope you enjoyed and see you next week! ... meaning in two days. Oh boy.


	10. Who do you think I am?

Vision suddenly opened his eyes. Above him were the crude lights of Stark’s lab, and all around he could hear the crackling voice of somebody over the radio. He sat, looking around, and his eyes laid on Tony Stark who was bent above a counter, probably working on something. But the scientist turned his head toward the android when he heard the ruffling.  
“Oh. You’re awake. Good.” He lifted his goggles from his eyes and smiled at Vision. “How are you feeling, then? Everything seems alright?”  
Vision stepped down the steel table and tested his limbs with care. His body was functional enough even if it had a certain stiffness he couldn’t explain. Quickly, his brain situated him in time. Two weeks after the attack. Vision frowned at the length of his unconscious state and Tony must’ve picked that because he scratched the back of his neck.  
“It took me quite some time to have you working again, Vis.” The man was ill-at-ease. “I was… I was afraid to distort your AI and change you.”  
The android was a bit taken aback by his words, surprised to hear them even. “Why would you be scared of that?”  
Tony’s eyes widened. “Because you wouldn’t have been you anymore if it didn’t work. I’m a genius but not Ultron, and I wasn’t sure if I could get everything right inside you. It’s… pretty complex in here.” He finished while gesturing toward Vision. He grabbed his cup of coffee sitting near the CPU he was working on, and suddenly his whole face showed exhaustion. Since when didn’t he have a good night sleep?   
Vision didn’t know how to take that. For him, it had always been pretty clear that he was some kind of replacement for J.A.R.V.I.S, the beloved AI lost as he had been made. He had the AI’s voice, and its manner, its british accent he hadn’t been quite able to explain. Did Tony save him to retrieve that? To save Jarvis?  
“I am not your Artificial Intelligence, Mr. Stark.” He said bluntly, tired of tiptoeing around with the genius in front of him. But he hadn’t expected to see Tony’s face distorted by a sudden pain and a justifiable anger. “Is it what you think I am? A creation of yours to do your deeds?”  
“Oh, that’s peachy. I was expecting a ‘thank you for saving me from oblivion’ or maybe a ‘jeez, what year is it’ but no you had to rub in my face that apparently I’ve been a jerk to the whole fucking world!” Tony violently threw the cup against a wall under Friday’s soft scolding about his heart rate. “SHUT UP, FRIDAY! Turning voice off in the damn whole building, NOW!!”

A silence of doom fell in the lab, and Tony heavily sat on a table, a sigh in his throat. Vision hesitated over coming closer, or leaving, or doing whatever, really. He could just phase through the floor and get away from that turmoil of emotions happening right in front of him. But as he was going to do just that, Tony talked again.   
“I’m not who you think I am, Vision. Really not. I was worried about what my repairing could do to you, not because of Jarvis’ memory but because I had the task to save an Avenger. Something I fail to do over and over again.” He seemed so tired at this moment. “I worked on you, knowing my best friend was also dying downstairs. I could have lost both of you these past days. A lot happened these past few weeks. The meeting, Barnes, the attack. Everything is changing and I just don’t know how to cope…”  
Vision made a few steps, brows furrowed in confusion, and stopped just in front of the defeated man. “I am not sure to understand. Are you considering me as an Avenger, Mr. Stark?”  
Tony didn’t raise his eyes. “Of course, I am, you moron. I thought you were a genius. You got invited to the international meeting, weren’t you?” He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I need to sleep. You’ll clean the coffee, you are the reason for this mess after all.”

And just like that, Vision found himself alone in the lab, the radio having been shut down at the same time Friday was. Vision opened a stainless steel cabinet and drew a mop out of it. While he was attending to the chores given, he was still thinking, his brain quicker than any supercomputer lagging to find a rational explanation for what had just happened. He then began to organize the workshop, the tools scattered around now neatly put away to their respective places. Then he cleaned the whole place, rendering it spotless.  
He stopped in front of the desk, seeing a drawer not quite closed as if stuck by something. Vision opened it slowly, not sure if he had the right to do that. But he found that it was a photograph in a frame that was preventing the drawer from closing properly. A picture of them when they first got the new place. The suit had taken it while all of them were in front of the brand new base, he recalled, and all of them had big grins on their faces except for Vision who hadn’t really been sure about what to do with his face at times like that. Clint Barton had made a joke and Steve Rogers, near Tony, had been laughing so hard he had thrown his head back. Natasha Romanov had seemed about to kill the archer right after that, a second after the picture had been snapped, fortunately. The second it had taken for her to understand the joke and jump at her friend’s throat. In the photograph, Tony seemed happy enough even if his eyes had still a little sadness in them.  
And it hit Vision. He had, after all, Jarvis’ memories in him, and he could recall the awful nights of worries after the death of Howard and Maria Stark. The loneliness of Tony, a thing that had pursued him all his life, was now utterly complete. And the Avengers were to be a new family, a group he could feel at home with, wherever they would be. But instead of that it had been nothing but anguish, and arguments, and nearly losing a member of the team every single time they had to be on missions.

He surely didn’t deserve to be called a genius right now despite the bazillion neural connections his artificial brain held. Carefully, he placed the photograph on the desk and closed the drawer. He had to understand Stark, to explain to him he did not hate him for without the man he couldn't even be alive. Vision had no experience of guilt and social uneasiness. And he hated himself for that, also a new feeling. So he phased right in Tony’s room but stopped when he found the man was sound asleep after several days of being awake. He would wait. He was patient and even if he longed to see Wanda and tell her he was okay, he had to do this first. So he got back to the lab and waited several more hours just listening the the radio he had turned back on.

Tony arrived four or five hours later and entered his lab, obviously in a bad mood and he didn’t register Vision’s quiet presence, instantly going toward his desk and his computer. He stopped when he saw the picture near the holo-keyboard and, slowly, hesitantly, laid it down.  
“You should keep it on sight to see your family smiling at you.”  
Tony jumped, startled. He turned toward Vision who rose from the chair he was on and walked toward the desk.  
“What do you know about it, uh?” the man retorted, but without rage in his voice. “They aren’t. They don’t want to be.”  
Vision rose a brow and stood near the piece of furniture. “Have you bothered to ask them? …. Us?”  
Tony looked at him for a while, not saying anything, as if he wasn’t sure of what to do. So Vision went on.  
“I may have been unfair toward you. I am, it seems, not above pitiful human emotions such as envy and stupidity. I thought you only saw in me the ghost of a dear friend of yours. But you don’t, do you? Do you see me as an independent entity, worthy of free will?”  
“..... Always have, Vis.” Tony’s throat squeezed a bit and he choked on his words. “I’m… I’m proud that Jarvis is part of you, but you’re- you’re not him. Never was.” He heavily sat on the comfy armchair behind his desk and rubbed his face, still tired and now struggling to keep tears at bay. The man seemed adrift, at loss for words and it was a rare sight to see Tony Stark like this.   
“You are not a bad man, Tony Stark. And I am truly sorry I could not go past my own blinkers for too long a time.”  
Tony waved, dismissing the thought and reached for his cabinet near the desk, needing something stronger than coffee to survive the turmoil of emotions passing through him at the moment. He poured himself a generous dose of whiskey and drank it bottom up before helping himself again with a glass he would enjoy more slowly.   
“Y’know, I thought Rogers was my friend, Vision. The great Captain America I couldn’t stop hearing about all day long. The jewel of America. But truth is… I don’t know anymore. Barton, Romanov and him, they’re the only ones left with me from the first team. Thor and Banner are out there and I don’t know where. Wanda must hate me, and I wouldn’t be surprised because… I was the one who gave them the means to kill her parents. Wilson? I barely know the man. He’s a good friend of Rogers and a vet’ and he’s pretty good with those wings of his. But that’s it. Sure, Rhodey I know what he feels about me! .. But that’s it. And Bucko, down here? Well, I don’t know what to think about him so no bother.”

Vision let him talk without interrupting, understanding that maybe the man hadn’t spoken his mind for a long time. Too long, maybe. He needed that.When Tony had finished to drink and speak, Vision put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Thank you for telling me. And you are not alone, Mr. Stark. But perhaps talking with the Avengers would put your doubts aside. Not right now, but later would be a good time. You are the soul of the Avengers, the one without whom nothing of this would have been possible. And without you, the Captain and I would surely both be dead. And for that I thank you too.”  
Tony only slowly nodded, exhausted again by the unsuspected burst of emotions he had suddenly endured. Vision left the lab, both confused and happy at the same time. Now he only wanted to know that Wanda was okay, and to enjoy his new way of seeing life and the others around him now that he had understood that human emotions could be way more complex at handling that he had previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of the ground, brushes the dirt off and waves** I’m back!


	11. Does Whatever a Spider Can

“Alright, folk. Settle down, I didn’t social-call you it’s a team meeting.” 

Tony Stark poured himself a glass of scotch while all around him, the Avengers were taking place in the comfy chairs of the meeting room. Steve was safe and sound and here with everybody else even if the doctors had still advised against being part of any kind of mission for at least one more week. All the others were glad to have him back though. 

“So, what with the call, suddenly?” Rhodey asked.

“Well, yeah, I needed to tell you something and I thought ‘that’s now or they will know it by themselves.’ so here we are!” Tony sipped from his drink and sat as well, between Steve and Vision. “You all know how Youtube works, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “A little while ago, I saw that video of a guy in a suit saving people in Queens. Little guy. Real funny too see, and apparently friendly because when I went to investigate a little they all seemed to like the guy.”

Wanda snorted a bit loudly but promptly covered her mouth with her hand. “... Sorry, sorry Tony.. But I saw the videos too and I don’t know where you’re going with that.”

“Well my dear… I found who that guy was yesterday. It could have gone way faster but I did it on my spare time. SO! I went and met him. Yesterday, obviously.”

Clint rose an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you stalked the friendly neighborhood spider of Queens to say hi? That’s actually super creepy, you know that, right?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “No that’s not. Will you shut your mouth a minute and listen to me?.... Thank you. Anyway, I talked a bit to him and I wanted you to meet and why not include him into the team?”

Suddenly, everyone began to talk at once, creating a disagreeable brouhaha, arguing or agreeing until Steve politely asked everyone to shut the fuck up. 

“So? Your new recruit, Tony? When do we meet him?”

  
  


“Hi everyone, nice to meet you. Big fan! By the way, I’m Spider-Man! …. No no no, that’s sooooo lame!” Peter glanced at the mirror he was in front of and heavily sighed. He was stressed out beyond measures. Well, understandably so because right now he was in a room in the Stark Tower, probably minutes away from meeting the Avengers. That was a big deal.

“Okay, once again. You can do this Peter.” He cleared his throat and gazed at the mirror, making the awkwardest smile of his life. “Hi, I’m Spider-Man. Nice to meet you, everyone. Yes! Better, way better!! Don’t show them you’re a huge fan, they won’t take you seriouslHI MR STARK!!”

Tony entered the room and closed it behind him, a smug smile on his face. “Practicing?”

“... How long have you been there?”

“Long enough for things to be awkward.” They stared at each other for a second… “Ready?”

Peter nodded slowly, knowing it was a big fat lie. He was so not ready to meet the heroes of America, to talk to them and shake their hands. Would they let him shake their hands? He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t realize Tony was holding the door for him and things became awkward again. Perfect. Quickly, the teenager caught up and they moved to the elevator taking them to the floor where the rest of the team was waiting for them.

“Should I put the mask on? Or should I not? Will it be weird?” In front of Stark’s silence, he winced and chose to put the mask on, just in case he shouldn’t give his secret identity away. 

 

The meeting room was huge, two of its four walls were only glass panels pouring light into the place. Seated around the oval table, all of the Avengers looked up when they heard the door and oh boy they all were here except for Thor and the Hulk. That was so much worse than what he had imagined. Peter felt his knees become jelly and he needed all his might not to stumble. He glanced at Tony who just gestured toward the others in a silent order to introduce himself to them.

He took a step forward.

“Hi guys! Nice to meet you, I’m Peter-man! … No! I mean I’m Spider-Parker!  _ Oh _ .” Peeved, he just stood there and took the mask off. “I’m terrible at that.”

 

Sam laughed first… quickly followed by all the others who didn’t mean to be rude but just couldn’t resist in front of this introduction that was both genuine, cute and embarrassing. Steve stood up, wiping up tears from his eyes, his cheeks reddened by his previous hysterical laughter.

“Nice to meet you, Peter. Oh God, such honesty, I like you already.” And then he outstretched his hand to shake Peter’s and Peter widened his eyes before complying. 

“It’s an honor, sir. Really.”

One by one, he got introduced to everyone; Falcon, Vision, War Machine, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Wanda. Heroes he only saw from his TV. It was the most beautiful day of his life. They invited him to sit among them at the table and began to ask him questions he tried to answer the best he could. They answered his questions as well, about their missions and their background. It was something to know what the news had said, but having the Captain America talk about World War II, Hawkeye showing him his bow and his arrows and Vision try to explain how his mind work.. Peter was overwhelmed. They discussed for two or three hours until they decided it had been enough for a day and Tony told him the last ten floors of the Tower were theirs so he had full access to everything and invited him to visit the place that was to be his second home. He didn’t wait long before dashing toward the door, excited beyond measure. 

 

His dream had been to work in the Stark Tower as an engineer for a long time and he had specifically chosen Midtown School of Science and Technology for this purpose alone. But of course, it seemed like something unattainable but worth trying for until the day before when Tony Stark had been waiting for him in his living room, drinking coffee and discussing with his aunt like no big deal. Well, it *was* a big deal though! And when he had showed him the video of Spider-man doing his job as a friendly neighborhood spider? Telling him he knew it was him? His life had been turned upside-down in an instant. Peter was not really sure why Stark wanted to make him an Avenger, however, and the boy was also scared to disappoint the heroes and be sent home in a whiff. His aunt didn’t know where he was, today, nor did Ned but it wasn’t like he could come home and say “Hey! I’m Spider-man B.T.W! And I fight crime instead of doing my homework but don’t worry now Stark says it’s okay!”. He would be grounded for life. And maybe the Avengers wouldn’t take him for their missions too, now that they knew he was only fifteen. Maybe they had met him out of politeness.

Lost in his thoughts, Peter didn’t realize he was lost in the corridors of the floor of the meeting room. Off to a great start, Parker. The huge windows showed the whole New-York and poured daylight in the corridor and it was a breathtaking view. He entered a room randomly, decided to resume the visit before he had to go home, and found himself in what was probably a tech-lab. Screens were floating around, displaying blueprints in the air, and a robot was currently welding different components, fully automated. Curious, Peter came closer to see what it was doing and how it was done. The technology was amazing and the robot so precise it worked with incredibly tiny parts with ease. He didn’t recognize what was made there, though. Perhaps a micro-computer but some of the components he couldn’t recognize. The rest of the room was a mess of pieces of technology, weapons and gadgets worthy of the best spy movies like this very old one; Mission : Impossible. Peter thought it would be awesome to be able to work in such a lab and made a note to himself to ask Stark if he could make better web shooters with it. It could be handy. 

“You like the place?”

He jumped and quickly turned around to see that Steve Rogers was in the doorway, looking at him.

“Yeah. It’s incredible! I love science!” He laughed before coming closer to the man. “Uh… why are you here?”

Steve shrugged. “I needed to fetch something for Rhodey in here. The robot it currently working on a new thing for his armor and he wanted to know if it was done.” He gestured toward the robot still at work. “Apparently it isn’t.”

Oh, so that was what the robot was working on. Peter’s curiosity ramped up. “So all your awesome gadgets are made here?”

“Yeah. Yours too, you know? Stark won’t let you wear that costume while he’s alive. It’s… handmade, right?” It was obvious Steve was trying his best not to mock the cheap thing Peter was wearing. “Anyway not really secure. And if you want to be an Avenger you’ll have to upgrade your gear.”

Peter frowned a bit. “You won’t tell me it’s not my job to do hero stuff because I’m too young?”

“Would you listen to that if I told you so? I don’t think so. I think I’d rather know we have your back if you run into troubles worst than a stuck cat in a tree.” Steve came to pick the device the robot had just finished and put it in his pocket. “The floor above us, just below Tony’s private quarters is a habitable one. You’ll find a library, a kitchen and way too many rooms for us all. And two floors below there is a science lab where you can experiment in. Friday is our AI and she’ll gladly help you if you find yourself lost in the building.”

The boy took the opportunity to ask why they were here, given that it was public authority that the Avengers had a new facility upstate and didn’t use the Stark Tower anymore. But as soon as he asked that, Steve frowned and he gulped.

“The facility upstate has been… raided. And partially destroyed. It’s not a safe location anymore so we moved here again.” He winced. “The assailants were the kind of enemy I hope you won’t run into for some time.” He shrugged again. “Anyway, I hope you’ll like it up here. I’ll leave you to your visit now.”

 

Steve left Peter alone and lost in his thoughts but the boy didn’t wait for long before eagerly continuing the journey into the maze of the building, and when he went home, an alibi skillfully cooked by Tony to tell his aunt and a brand new costume in his backpack, he knew his life was going to change forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's the last chapter I had ready because I wrote almost ten other chapter buuuuuut I have to do it all over again! Ahahah #killme
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy it, yadda yadda, and thank you for your support and dedication to follow that erratic piece of work!


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